Bad News

Volunteering and working with nonprofits since I was a kid, I know how hard it is to do "good work." We are often overworked, underpaid, and under resourced. This passion of mine, to help marginalized communities has reiterated this phenomenom time and time again. The idea that, marginalized group members often lack resources, so let's get us some resources but then we don't have the means to do so causes us to reach out to the community and rely on fundraising.

Black and brown faces don't yield the same results as say, other groups in need. Look at Norte Dame, 3 families raised $700 million in a matter of hours while black churches were targeted by a white sheriff's son and those churches only saw a rise in donations after the hypocrisy of Notre Dame was pointed out. My feed was full of white-presenting women posing in front of Notre Dame while in Paris but these same folks didn't post about the black churches being targeted and they probably will not post about the bombings in Sri Lanka. And I'm not saying this to point a finger and be cruel, I'm saying it to make a larger point. Those who are privileged, can choose what they care about. Mental health, safety, comfort of black and brown folks, especially if they identify as womxn, are not on the radar.

I just finished reading Angie Thomas's book, On the Come Up. There are 4 lines exchanged between characters where one accuses the other of being overly concerned with money. The character responds by explaining, when you wake up in a cold house because the gas has been cut off (due to nonpayment), your kitchen has no food, and an eviction notice is posted on your door then yes, money will constantly be on one's mind.

I've written and said this too many times to count so I will be brief, one cannot separate race from class.  Those among us living below the poverty line, are there because of systemic racism. It was once written into law that property couldn't be passed from one generation to the next if you were not white or male. Both the GI bill and FHA loans excluded people of color. Getting a job with an ethnic sounding last name is still a challenge in 2019. Not having the status of American citizen still denies you basic human rights. Women are still fighting to have a say over our own bodies. So marginalized groups need, at the very least, rest.

I have to once again quote Malcolm X because this quote is what inspires me to show up for women, especially queer women and women of color, time and time again. “The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” This tells me that even if this Retreat was nothing more than mimosas, mani's and pedi's and a fun filled vacation, it is necessary.

When your life resembles a war, why not have a couple of days away? However these were the questions that I received when reaching out to donors, "oh you just want a vacation. Don't we all?" Well  why Belize? Why not do something local?" Short answer, because we deserve more. 

The past few years, the only time I set foot on a plane is for work- when my employer is footin the bill. Vacations are luxuries. Would I love to getaway and regroup? Yes, but I cannot afford to and that is so often the case with women. We need the time to sleep in, to wake up and not have to worry about everyone else--Now pile on socially acceptable racism and sexism and it makes getting out of bed an up hill battle. So yes, fund our vacation-but they didn't want to. And this says alot about our ability, or lack there of, to empathize and extend compassion to other's lived experiences.

The most victimized group in the world, are TWOC of color but each of those identities are regularly attacked. So my partners and I dreamt of a Womxn's retreat where all women could build relationships with one another. Create a cohort if womxn who could remain in contact and have a source of support. We wanted the womexn who joined us to learn skills for being more inclusive, learn to survive daily microaggressions and discrimination. Learn how to thrive in the skin they are in. We organized a week long retreat at a locally owned resort in Belize. Was Belize  extravagant? In reality, yes and no. It would be a beautiful location, deserving of our participants. If we had designed the trip for Sedona, Arizona or somewhere else stateside, it would have cost the same or in some cases- even more. Also in Belize, we would be supporting a local business that staffs local people.

Retreats and vacations have long been reserved for the rich, privileged, and the elite. How often are retreats designed for women of color? Nonbinary, trans, gay womxn? How often are their professional development opportunities utilizing infinity groups? Or Cross racial facilitation?  And has self care designed for womxn of color? We looked. We couldn't find anything so we thought this would be a success.

As we tried to secure funding for schloarships, I started to look for schloarships for womxn of color. Professional development funds which existed solely for faculty of color. Administrators of color. Public servants of color. These didn't exist. Marginalized group members encounter violence, harassment, and emotional trauma on a regular basis, where are our systems to help us succeed? At the very least, endure?

Fast forward to today where I am curating this Blogpost to say, we had to cancel the Belize Retreat. This isn't due to lack of interest. In fact every womxn I reached out to was extremely excited however, they lacked the funds. Worse, their employer refused to contribute. We also only received one donation. I understand money is tight under these new tax laws but I can't help but wonder why is this so often the case?

We designed the Retreat to be reasonable. We tried to create scholarships. Perhaps we didn't give it enough time, but after looking at how quickly other organizations, where white children, or animals, are those in need-how quickly they raise money. I know I'm the one who is always applying a racial lens so I hope this is my cynicism exposing itself but after years of doing this work, it really feels like this ain't that.

Having to combat oppression everyday is exhausting. Yet designating days for rebuilding oneself, healing one's soul, cultivating some peace, and practicing self-care, remain reserved for the affluent.