Why do White Women Love to Yell at Us?

Elizabeth Eckford, one of the "Little Rock Nine" being yelled at and spit on
as she tries to enter high school.

Over 5000, the amount of times I've answered the question, "you're the professor?!"
2000, the amount of times I have altered my behavior when I saw approaching law enforcement.
Over 3000, the amount of times I've been asked, "where are you supposed to be?"
Countless, the amount of times a white woman has yelled at me and I have had to smile and remain calm.

I was speaking at a training for new hires recently.  While sharing an example about implicit bias, I asked the group, "do you cross the street when you are approaching a group of people? Does it matter if they are male or female? Does it matter if they are black or white-- when I was cut off by a very angry woman who yelled, "WHAT IF THEY ARE CHINESE!"  And then an exasperated sigh and then muttering, "I mean, come on..." This person was obviously experiencing white fragility. Her defenses were triggered. Instead of sitting with that and trying to understand why she was upset she turned her hurt outward, which became anger.

Yes, I understand the response. No, this is not the first time but I'm working nonstop, I'm coming down with a cold, today is my day off and I have you yelling at me--something you would never do to a white guest facilitator. So I stand there, let her finish and then validate her concern while bringing us back on topic.

Group of white women protesting desegregation.

If you don't believe me, (because why would you? I'm a women-presenting, person of color) the organizer of the event, who is nonmelinated, validated my feelings. They were also aware of the impact, which halfway helps. Do I wish they would have said something? Maybe, had it persisted. This person has done so at previous sessions where someone is belligerent in a way they may not be if I looked more like them. In previous instances, this individual has used their privilege to silence someone before.(Which is why I continue to speak at this event.)

My issue is, no one speaks to me that way. In my personal life if someone raises their voice at me I end the conversation. We can reconvene when everyone is calm. But I have to put up with it from white women at work? This is the group that comes at me with, open arms-firmly at arms length. They either want my help and expertise or they hate me. Hate everything about me and what they believe I stand for. Because they led me to my success. They paved the way for me.

Signs read, "Save Segregation vote States Rights"
& "All I Want for Christmas is a Clean White School

You know all the many hoops they have jumped through to get where they are? They did it so that me and my kind can stay two steps behind them. So I should be forever thankful and they like to remind me of that.

Those hoops I mentioned,  I'm still waist-deep in them because of women like this who never extended a branch but instead followed the law and digested equality by force. You and me are not the same. And I would like you to extend as much grace to me as I am forced to extend to you so that maybe you don't call the cops.

A few days ago I was talking with my students about microaggressions. A student mentioned following people on social media with opposing political views and how it's important to understand both sides. And I said, "don't hate trump supports. Many of them voted with their families in mind. How could they have known what would have come of their vote?" But how they voted in the midterms is where I draw the line. Because now there is proof of the promises made on the campaign trail. The separation between hate and policy is no longer cloudy.

Those are the graphics I see when white women are screaming at me, crossing their arms, scoffing and sighing and making disbelieving eyes to the other white people in the room to say, "Do you hear this nigger?" 

When I shared my story about being denied for a home loan, with a series of racial microaggressions, this woman was more disgusted when I mentioned the next bank we went to approved us on the spot. That was a sign that she didn't respect me, she didn't agree with me, and she simply did not like me.  Before you start to think, how do I know this?  How can I be certain?  Ask yourself why you are defending this woman right away?  Why didn't you defend me right away?  Believe me right away?  Trust my experience on the matter?  The person who remained professional and did not raise their voice, who did nothing but smile and nod and listen? Who diffused the situation?  Why am I automatically untrustworthy, ill-prepared to speak out something that I experienced?

At the Unite the Right Rally a white woman,
draped in an American flag, yells at a black man.

Wouldn't it be nice if she had given me a chance? To see me in my skin with my natural hair and listened to what I had to say? The same thing I do when I see white women who statistically probably voted for someone who wants to strip people of basic human rights and keep people caged? I don't glare, I don't yell, I don't try to get other people of color to gang up on them, I don't roll my eyes.  So I can say unequivocally, that you will not drop dead from treating someone like a human being.