The Small Moment that Made You Go...

This photo may not look like much but to me it is so many things. It is a realization. It is an achievement. It is a marking of time. It is a right of passage. It signifies the small moment that made me go, "Wow, you've made it." 

I called a meeting and people came. It is probably not the first meeting I've called and surely not the last but something about this moment had me in my feelings.

I always knew I would be inside of boardrooms, classrooms, all sorts of rooms but I always knew I would be at the front. Leading. I have to remember to slow down, maybe even snap a photo to look at later to show myself that I've made it. I've reached a place I've wanted to be since I was small, playing with dolls and imagining what my life would be.

This year more than ever has been one of reflection. Writing, The Only Black Girl in the Room forced me to come to terms with things and to let a lot of things go. When it's in print it is no longer etched in me, clawing it's way to the forefront of my mind. I forgave my past self and have truly allowed myself to reevaluate.

For someone who lived with suicide ideation, it's freeing to have a life to cling to, to fight for, to believe in. One that I don't feel indifferent to. To truly see myself as part of the world, not hovering just above it.

To fight for things and to fear losing them is a type of living I had denied myself when I was younger. To have investments in relationships and my own future wasn't something I was accustomed to. Now I see the world differently because I view myself differently.

I am strong and not the way I was before where I was closed off and detached.  Now I feel my feelings and see the strength in being vulnerable, in being scared, in being consumed with hurt.

Forever challenging myself, I designed, organized, advertised and facilitated workshops that allow me to have real conversations with strangers as we each try and change ourselves, in an effort to better the world.

The opportunities have been many and I'm so grateful for each and every one.

This is alot of words to say, before the racist holiday arrives, I am thankful for finally finding a way to love myself unconditionally. I am thankful for finally being satisfied with how things are, not constantly trying to fix everything but to sit in what reality is. I am thankful for learning that no matter what, I will always be okay. Better than okay.