Stop Telling Us How to Talk

"Shut Up" oil painting by Ashley Xu

Correcting my spelling and grammar says more about you than me. If you are seething at the title of this post for instance, "It should read, speak not talk," this post is for you. You know the type who verbalize each and every grammar mistake you've written or even spoken? You say, "me and Isabel," and they cut you off and say, "You mean, Isabel and I." They may even refer to themselves as, Grammar Nazis, which angers me. There are, actual Nazis terrorizing people who live in this country everyday so let's not refer to your elitist constant correcting with a term that still produces fear in anyone who isn't a white and non Jewish human. How we speak is a reflection of who we are and where we came from. Yet historically, colonizers have fought to make marginalized cultures assimilate to their way of writing and speaking. "Proper" English, is one of the earliest gatekeepers and class markers. To be educated meant you could vote, be an American citizen, and purchase land so of course, receiving an education was made extremely difficult. Critiquing the way someone speaks is one of the oldest, most acceptable, ways to tell someone "you don't belong here." It shuts someone down, steals their voice and labels the critizer an educator rather than an oppressor. One of the oldest tricks in the racism book.

I have long been a sufferer of imposter syndrome. Before I knew what it was, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Beung the only person in the room who looks like you is one thing but knowing that that will be most rooms in the world for the rest of your life is another constant cause for anxiety. Yet I've published nine books. I have two degrees. Defended my masters thesis while pregnant and am now a college professor. I co-created a website to help people become conscious of the injustices in the world and make marginalized people feel seen. I taught myself web design to do so. I co-host and produce a podcast; I taught myself music editing and sound editing to do so. I designed curriculum for workshops and facilitated them. I don't have an inheritance so line editing, cover design, marketing, advertising, that is all me. I am a company of one. So yeah sometimes I overlook a typo, or a spelling error. After all I have a full time job, two children and a spouse, I'm busy. But reviewers on Amazon, or someone I have not spoken in over five years, you I don't have to point them out, at least not before you say, "Damn Val, good job."

I can enter any room. Begin a conversation with anyone regardless of class, color or creed.  I codeswitch with ease, in that sense, I speak multiple languages. I can control my emotions to avoid being shut out. I know what words to use to prove I belong because us black girls are never truly accepted, we are always on a trial period. So I can shift my shape. But I still make mistakes.

Here it is, I'm not trying to throw shade on anyone else's hustle but there are folks, white folks, who are selling someone else's product and they get so much praise. They can have spelling errors, quote you the wrong price, get you all the way involved in a pyramid scheme and all there social media comments are, "wow how do you do it? You have kids and are a stay at home mom!" They are never criticized in a public space. I, on the other hand, create original work at a consistent pace and any and every error is magnified. Before you say, "Well Val, if you are going to put yourself out there, of course you are going to be criticized." Yeah, duh I know that, but there is constructive criticism which leads to improvement. There is friendly criticism that is told via text, or another private medium and then there is the very public criticism that is posted permanently on my Amazon review page or a social media wall that I cannot remove but instead everyone can see, forever.

Before you write and post your criticism of my grammar or spelling, ask yourself-will this help them? Will this make Val more successful? Am I doing this as a friend? And more frankly, would I post this if she were white?

Guess what? I know "proper" (I placed proper in quotes because what is deemed as such is culturally based and highly subjective) grammar. I was forced to learn how to speak in European American-based jargon; like most of us who were brought to this country in bondage, who had our culture erased. I know that is the way I must speak during a job interveiw or when I get pulled over, but that is not how I speak when I create my art. I refuse to alter my characters to make it more palpable for anyone. I give up enough of myself on a daily basis.

And the thing is, until a couple years ago, I consumed art by white artists, I didn't ask them to make it more black, but that is what is asked of me. "Val, we couldn't read Helium because it was written in African American Vernacular English." "Val I had to stop reading your books after Peak because they got too political." Are these criticisms that other artists face? Of course. Do artists of color get punished for it more? Of course. Yes, you have your right to consume whatever art you choose but understand artists of color are putting ourselves out there without parents in the business, without small business loans or gifted seed money, so when you turn your backs on us for being our authentic selves, you are potentially shutting us down completely.  And a bad review based on spelling and grammar has that much weight.

To be a black cultured female person is to be constantly fighting for your place in life. To be an even slightly successful black cultured female is to be torn down at every turn, even by those who say they support you. I published over 40k words baring my soul in my memoir, The Only Black Girl in the Room, and someone said it was unreadable because I had misused a word. You can read their full review on Amazon. At least they didn't flat out deny my experiences.

Do you know how hard it was to publish that book? To share something so intimate with the world? I did it for all the black women and girls who are living the same reality, who are broken down the moment they leave their homes, who are forced to manipulate their very reactions to be seen as valid. Their emails and texts are what keep me writing.

The folks that nitpick my spelling and grammar because they can't find other flaws in my argument, you get this one blog post. After this, I will expend no further energy on you. No more re-re-rereading, editing, feeling enbarassed and ashamed, and telling myself, "I'm not good enough," because white men can put out crap, abuse women and still win awards. So I am fine being held to a higher standard when, because of racism my resources and budget are virtually nonexistent. If you want to help black, brown, or queer artists, give us money, give us exposure, provide us with opportunities but do NOT correct our spelling and grammar.