A Word on Person First Language

Bmike Odum's paintings of slain Black Lives Matter icons Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Eric Garner and Oscar Grant

"I am a man," the picket signs read and today we shout, "Black lives matter." in each case we are saying that we are human.  That we are people, because the world has seemed to have forgotten, or purposely classified us as less than.  As being so "other" that we cannot possibly be members of the same human race. And this is how it is to be black. To constantly have to remind people that we are more similar than different. This is an experience that many marginalized group members face and it is by design. The constant conversations we must have, the negotiations we must make, all to say, we too are human.

Melanated skin, the texture of my hair, the gender that I was cultured in, these are often the first parts of my identity that people notice. These are the parts of my identity that people attach great meaning to. These are the parts of my identity I cannot hide. Are these the most significant parts about me? No. Being a black queer woman is part of who I am I but it does not tell you my educational background, my interests, my beliefs or who I am, yet so many stereotypes become activated in people's minds when I walk into a room. These are stereotypes that I am left to combat in conversations and interactions.

Person first language aims to change this perceptual pitfall by allowing us to see a person before we see any other aspects of their identity. For instance, rather than say, "my gay friend," you would say "my friend who is gay," or you may be like me and take it a step further and simply say, "my friend."  What is to be gleamed by stating your friend's sexuality? What is the purpose of sharing who your friend likes to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with when you are discussing them to someone else? More often than not this is done to warn the other parties that "someone different may be hanging around," or the equally disgusting reason, "to prove that you know someone who is different." What it actually does is, out this person without their consent and lays the groundwork for people's stereotypes to fill in the blanks of who this person is.

Person first language is a term that has been around the past few years but it still surprises me how often we continue to reduce marginalized group members to one aspect of their identity. We do this with people who have been convicted of crimes, we simply call them, "criminal." Surely this "criminal" had an entire life before and will continue to live a life after and yet, we reduce them to the worst decision they ever made.  Rather than say criminal, why not call them their name? Why not ask them to tell us who they are? We see it with people who are displaced and may be living on the streets.  We lump them all together and call them homeless. They are not only a displaced human being. Skid Row, in Los Angeles, is the fastest growing population in LA, the largest demographic growing in that population are single mothers. Rather than say, "this neighborhood is a hotspot for the homeless" what if we used person first language to describe it? "This area is filled with mothers and children?" It reads quite differently doesn't it? When you replace language, that is meant to dehumanize, with language that is deeply rooted in the human experience, we start to care.

Person first language is something that exists and has a term because so often we use language to ostracize, otherize and ignore a part of the population. When I am "just another black girl," that gives people a pass to ignore me, look past me, or reduce me to all the other stereotypes they have of black girls.  I suddenly become loud, sassy, uneducated, loose, and aggressive. It is the reason I often had to explain to students, other faculty, and campus security, that I was a professor. It is the reason when I tell people, "I"m going to law school," they ask if I am visiting a friend rather than make the obvious conclusion that I am a student. "A black girl couldn't possibly take the LSAT and get into a prestigious school, not when white people struggle to do so."

If you are still confused on the concept here are some examples: *While the examples below are a good frame of reference the point I am trying to make is, let people tell you who they are. Don't confine people to a box.  Look at the words you use to describe people and why you do so. Have you never challenged your language before? Well, you should start. I have friends who also have mental illnesses. Some told me in confidence while others say it loudly and proudly. Yet in both cases I understood it was not my place to divulge that information. I describe them as my friends without using their diagnoses as a descriptor. Keep in mind, person first language is not about ignoring differences or falling into the trap of "I don't even see race/disability/etc." it is creating space to allow the person to tell you who they are.

Rather than say...my schizophrenic friend or simply call them a schizophrenic, you would say, "someone who has schizophrenia" They are more than their mental illness. If you have a relationship with this person, the importance of including this information will likely not need to come up-except for very particular interactions and I'm sure they will tell you when.
Black friend....my friend or insert name
Trans friend...my friend or insert name
Queer friend...my friend or insert name
Illegal/illegal alien...a person who is undocumented
Boy mom...Okay this one may not apply it's just a pet peeve of mine, one is not a "boy mom" or "girl mom" why reduce our children to their gender? I have two children who identify as male that means, relatively nothing. They love video games and camping, and one of them loves to get messy while the other despises it. They both love to read, none of these activities have anything to do with their gender just like their choice in clothes has nothing to do with their gender. So please stop referring to yourselves as such, you are a parent of children who are all diverse but not because of their gender but because of their interests.  Please stop giving gender a higher level of importance than it deserves, it is dangerous and plays into the patriarchy which values things like toxic masculinity which leads to violence more specifically gun violence so the less importance we as parents place on gender roles, the safer all our kids will be.
Disabled friend...You may be noticing by now that it is the part of you that makes you stand out or makes you different that people tend to latch onto when they are describing you to others.  It doesn't feel good to be known as, "the girl with big boobs" or "the boy with acne" when you are not in the room. No one wants to be reduced to the one feature that makes them, not like everyone else.  Now imagine you live with a disability, physical or mental, is that all you want people to know about you? There is a time to disclose these things but it is up to the person, not their friend, to tell people. So rather than say my disabled friend, you would simply say my friend, or use their name. Again referring to them as your friend rather than "the one in the wheel chair," does not mean you ignore their accommodations and take them to venues without wheelchair access. Person first language means seeing an entire person, letting them define who they are, and listening.
Homeless...I wrote in my memoir, "the thing about being homeless is how quickly it happened." The majority of Americans live paycheck to paycheck meaning, that anyone can go from living in a 3 bedroom apartment to sleeping in their car. This includes teachers, parents, children, people who are college educated, grandparents, anyone is susceptible. Once you no longer have a physical address the world no longer sees you. They don't need to because your label is louder than all your other identities combined. Suddenly you are just a stereotype. How you wound up on the streets is irrelevant to those who walk past you because we have been taught to believe it is your fault. How do we know it is your fault? Because you are homeless. This word, homeless, lets us forget that you were a person. I prefer the term, a person who is displaced person or a person who is temporarily displaced, or their name. These words help to remind me that they are a human being.
Drug addict...We have a tantamount problem with racism and classism in this county and addiction does not escape it.When we discuss drug addiction in this country horrible terms like junkie, crack babies, and diseased are never far behind. These terms are often given to poor people of color (another person first term that you should feel free to use) to once again, dehumanize.  We can ignore that they are struggling with a debilitating disease known as addiction. We are less likely to help junkies and addicts but more likely to smile upon those who are in recovery. When you speak to people who struggle with addiction they will tell you, "I will always have a problem with addiction." Yet we give them new more positive labels while labeling others as lost causes.
Felon...Around 90% of people charged with crimes will take a plea deal. Our justice system would not be able to take every case to trial, it is not robust enough to do so. So the threat of incarceration and the cost of going to trial often it seems like an easy choice to take a plea. What if that means pleading guilt to a crime you didn't commit or pleading guilty to charges you didn't quite understand either way, you took the plea deal and depending on the charge you may now be a classified as a felon. This label follows you around on job applications, loan applications and bars you from receiving state assistance. In some states it even follows you right to the polls and kicks you out of the voting booth. This label is stamped on the backs of many people of color. People who are mothers, and fathers and teens. People who now will rarely get the chance to be any other part of their identity. This brand is dangerous and intentional.

I say all of this to say, let people tell you who you are. Rather than reduce someone to nothing more than a label, let them be a full person first.