A Mother's Love

Val (center), with her boys on either side, all posed as, "Wakanda Forever."

To all my son's future romantic partners, I'm sorry. I have spoiled and fawned over my boys. I have taken every precaution to protect them from the world, to the point where my partner has to stop me from making them utterly depended on me. I'm so grateful for his presence because otherwise our sons would be at an extreme disadvantage. 

But before you call me a helicopter parent or any other derogatory name for being an overbearing mother, as a mother of two Afro Latino boys I have seen the statistics, I have read the names of black and brown boys who were killed because of the melanin in their skin. All parents want to protect their children but parents of historically marginalized children, we see the oppressive systems that beat us down daily and we know that simply bringing a child into this world means our children (and most likely their children) will face this same violence.

Our children will learn through the lack of representation in media, school curriculem and really everywhere else, that they are other. They will experience microaggressions, discrimination and prejudice constantly. They will witness their mother and father experience this fate. They will become hardened as they learn to brace themselves before leaving the house. Become accustomed to having their guard up. It will be second nature to know, that home is your safe place but everywhere else is a risk. A risk to your safety, to your confidence, to your blood pressure, to your mental health. People who are supposed to make you feel safe will often feel like a threat. Teachers, healthcare professionals, officers of the law, all will stereotype you, commit microaggressions agaisnt you, hit you, beat you, incacerate you, and kill you.

Rosa Parks changed the trajectory of the Civil Rights Movement by agreeing to be the face of the bus boycotts. Her soft face, seamstress hands, and her perfectly placed hair, made white people from the midwest, northeast and west coast realize that they needed to get involved in black's fight for equality because when it was simply black men being sprayed with water hoses and being attacked by police dogs, well the sentiment was, they can handle it. Black men don't feel pain. 

How do I save my sons from the disgusting oppression of this world and still wish for them a full life? A life where they can choose where they want to live. Work as whatever they want. Marry whoever they want and study whatever they want. How do I teach them to exist in the America that was designed to keep people that look like us out but not diminish their spirit? How do I equip them for this unfairness without over correcting? These are my concerns as a black mother.

I was having a conversation a couple weeks ago and the person I was speaking with was saying how their friend's daughters were so nonracist they didn't even consider race and what a sign for the post-racial America these younger generations were creating. I had to stop them and say, "my oldest came home at 7 years old and said, today in school I learned that our family would be separated if we lived during the time of Martin Luther King Jr. because mom and I have dark skin and Dad and J have light skin." The white children in my son's class, when they learned about MLK Jr., they learned about an abhorrent time in history, my child learned that he was different. That racial tensions in the US meant that his parents wouldn't have been able to be together due to the color of their skin, that he and his brother may not even exist. It's easy to be unaware of race when not every aspect of your life is affected by it. 

If I dote on my sons a bit too much, if I hover over them as they embark on the world, if I hug them too often, it is because the world will be inexplicably harsh to these sensitive, compassionate, and caring boys, all because their mother gave them more than the curls on their head, and the lankiness of their legs but also the melanin of her skin.