Dreaming of 2019

This collage addresses the struggle and liberation of the black woman. It is divided into two parts: the first represents the black women who built the country where they were enslaved. The second part presents black women who fight for freedom, equality and respect.However, they still have a daily battle to survive in a patriarchal and racist society.

People tell me all the time, that I am patient. Patient for being able to work with students with behavioral issues. Patient because I volunteered with young children. Patient because I talk about race, gender, class, and sexual orientation, without screaming or yelling. What must be understood is that as a black, cultured as female, human being, patience (to me) was my best option.

Patience was softer than anger. Patience opened more doors than any other reaction. Patience led to my acceptance of people that I may have written off based on a snap judgement. Patience is admirable but it is not always a choice, not if you look like me.

Patience is often what is forced upon black women as we are told to wait. When white women are hired before us, even if we are both qualified. When we are looked over standing in line because we couldn't possibly be wanting to purchase something. Patience, when the security guard follows you around the store. Patient when our children are automatically called trouble makers or placed in remedial classes because of the color of their skin. We are told to pick our battles and so we call upon patience.

Recently there has been so much talk about self-care and letting things go, but what about those of us who are not allowed to ever let it all out? Those of us who walk on egg shells as we are promised things that are never going to come?

All the degrees, all the titles, and yet never the income. Never the promotion. Do we remain patient in spite of ourselves because that has been what has kept us safe?

If we yell, if we scream, if we so much as roll our eyes we could be arrested or killed. If we speak calmly and rationally we get called psycho and angry. If we cry we are called weak and emotional. So we are patient.

We wait for you to catch up, to understand that feminism is worthless if it is designed within the patriarchy to only protect white women. We wait patiently for you to see us as worthy not as disposable. We wait for you to recognize that our patience has a limit. We wait patiently like our mothers, our grandmothers and our great great grandmothers. But when do we get to say, times up - I am here for what is owed?

Not 2018 so maybe 2019? Maybe this will be the year where we won't have to declare our lives matter. Maybe this will be the year where black women stop dying from childbirth regardless of their age or wealth. Maybe this will be the year that our art isn't questioned for being too black to be Oscar worthy. Maybe this will be the year that juries stop convicting black people at a higher rate for crimes they didn't commit simply because the victim was white. Perhaps 2019 will be the year where unarmed black people are not murdered by the police. Maybe 2019 will be the year where little black kids can be whatever they want. Perhaps 2019 will be the year when cops are called in a black neighborhood, they get there fast and they help - rather than perpetuate fear. Maybe 2019 will be the year that we are allowed to be more than sexual or violent but humans with range and depth. Maybe 2019 will be the year that we no longer have to hold our breath and bite our tongues. Maybe in 2019 we can be free.