We Lost One

It's been 7 days and I'm still processing. Sadness, anger, anxiety, all pulsating through me at all times. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up. I realize that life will now be, before Mandy was killed and after. 

2 Thanksgivings ago we sat in bed and watched the Gilmore Girls Revival in all its terribleness. We painted frames and canvases and she never laughed at how ugly mine were but she would point out how writing was my talent. Both teachers, we commiserated over our struggles but also shared our joys and achievements. We watched weird indie movies together and became obsessed with How To Get Away With Murder-we hated Wes. We laughed a lot ("Spaghetti make-a the baby"), our dogs are brothers, she was my kid's godmother and now she's gone. 

Mandy could be quiet and extremely introverted making her hard to get to know but when she let you in, she surprised you.

She loaned me Dear Martin by Nic Stone and we both cried about police brutality. I told her to read The Hate U Give but I don't know if she got a chance. She was appalled when I told her how often I have been called a reverse racist. She was a pale white girl from Texas who had no reason to care about black lives or brown lives but she did. She saw color and she saw how we weren't all treated the same. 

Her students with the most behavioral issues were her favorite because she knew how to help them. She treated them with compassion and kindness. She went to bat for them. Often times she was their only advocate. 

A true El Pasoen, I knew she'd live there her whole life, I just thought it would be longer than 27 years. Mandy Annette, rest easy, "The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow.  Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."
-Eminem