Speaking Up: Why It's Still Dangerous

When someone offends you, belittles you, makes you feel unsafe - you have the right to react. You have the right to state your feelings and opinion. Your job is not to make the perpetrator comfortable, however that is a sentiment not widely adopted in our society.

Whether you are a victim of sexual assault, racism, or any other type of discrimination due to something that makes you who you are, (gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, and/or ethnicity) as a society, we like to attack the surviovor. There is a reason the terms victim-shaming and victim-blaming have been produced and that is because we do it all too often.

As a survivor you have the right to speak up but know that with every courageous step you take by simply opening your mouth and saying, "no this is unacceptable and I speak not only for myself but everyone else who felt victimized by your words and actions," you will receive 10 more microinvalidations in an attempt to silence you. When you take a stand, and fight for justice, you will feel others try and knock you back down - back into your place of oppression. Because the only thing worse than experiencing abuse, is the fight that comes after.

The fight to be believed, the fight to be validated, the fight to be heard. Why do we do this? My theory is, it's easier to attack the messenger than to look inside ourselves and do the work to first, actually acknowledge our own prejudices and biases and then the even harder step of changing ourselves. So instead we email, yell, and very vocally chastise the person for breaking their silence.

When you experience something horrible, life altering, or paradigm shifting in the worst way- very few, if anyone, will come to your aid but when you speak out about it, say in a TED Talk, you will hear all the people defending those that made you feel small and worthless. That's how the world works.

Survivors if you are living this right now, I see you, I hear you and stand I with you. You found your voice, never let them shut you down. The road to change is lonely. The steps towards freedom is isolating. I don't blame you for staying quiet but let it be your choice, not their's.