Can You Really Take Back an Ex: Why I'm Apprehensive About the Latest Harry Potter

Harry Potter has been in my life for the past 19 years. It is more than series of books, it is more than a franchise. Currently I'm re-reading it with my own sons.  This is a moment I dreamed about since their births, or more precisely, ever since I first completed the books myself. Like certain things in my life, bacon, my husband, the first house I bought, the state of New Mexico, Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream, I knew from the moment I was introduced to them they would forever be in my life.  Harry Potter is on that list.

When I read the seventh book, I wept for days and not just because of the casualties but because it had come to an end. The Autumn ritual of lining up outside Barnes and Noble for a new release would never happen again. The tradition of driving back home from college to watch the latest film, regardless of what was going on I my life, had come to an end. No more wondering about prophecies and He Who Must Not Be Named.  Spells, Quidditch, transfiguration, that was all over. Even now, nine years later, every fall I still find myself listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack;s, just because. I need that in my life once the weather begins to turn cold.

It's like when I finish writing. I fall in to a gloom, a sudden despair caused by the fact that I have forever parted with the voices in my head. I mourn, I eat ice cream, I wear pajamas,and I watch bad TV. It's like a breakup of a relationship that took place in my imagination. I did this with Harry Potter, a book I didn't dream up but one that lives within in me.

When it came to Harry Potter & The Cursed Child, I was so excited.  Counting down the days to its release, it wasn't until the script was in my grasp that I realized that I would be opening myself to an old wound. Taking back an old partner, trusting them once again after I'd promised myself that what had was done.  Our story already ended and while I could relive it, tell others about it and continue to  admire and respect it, I couldn't start something new.

Here we are more than 24 hours after its release and I am having doubts if my psyche can handle getting back together. I know I will eventually breakdown and I buy it.  Seclude myself for as long as it takes to read it cover to cover, but for now my emotional turmoil persists.

Where does that leave me?  When it comes to Harry Potter, 

Always.